


Taming the Lord of the Mountain

by AyanetheTiger



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Genre: Crack, Humor, I think I'm the only writer on this site who wrote Emory the Stable Hand as a character, Not to be taken seriously, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-24
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-07-16 07:10:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16081064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AyanetheTiger/pseuds/AyanetheTiger
Summary: Emory the Stable thought he had seen it all. Bears, deer, a monstrous skeleton horse. But this–this was too much...





	Taming the Lord of the Mountain

      “Looks like you’ve caught yourself a new steed! Do you want to register it?” Emory, the stable hand/inn owner exclaimed upon seeing Link approaching.

“Yes please,” Link replied. He couldn’t wait to take advantage of the Lord of the Mountain's seemingly infinite stamina while exploring everything the world had to offer.

      “Understoo-uh…” Emory trailed off, eyes widening and mouth agape as he caught a closer look at the beautiful and otherworldly being Link was riding. “Wh-what is that? Can that…THING you’re riding be the fabled Lord of the Mountain?!” He could feel his soul withering away from the absurdity in front of his eyes. “Why in Hylia’s name would you bring something like that here? We’ll all be cursed!” Emory had seen countless crazy events since he’d become the main stable hand and innkeeper, half of them involving Link. He’d seen Link approach with bears, deer, a giant horse and was even blearily awoken from his nap to the sight of Link astride a monstrous skeleton horse. But this…this was too much. How did he even tame these things?

Link frowned at the stable hand’s response to his new mount.

       “Please?” He accompanied this plead with a pair of pretty damn good puppy dog eyes accompanied with a wobbly lower lip. But no! Emory would not be moved. The hassle would be too much, not to even mention what The Lord would think of being reduced to a method of transportation.

       “Absolutely not!” Hopefully that would put an end to it. But no, the accursed boy was now reaching into his satchel to offer what looked to be an absurd number of glittering rupees.

      “How about…you accept 1,000 rupees as a service fee and I get to board Satori?” What, he even named that thing? Emory glared down at the proffered hand as if it was taunting him. 1,000 rupees was enough to net him a vacation from this insanity…but as he stared into the many faces of this horrifyingly alien looking beast and contemplated the reactions of his staff and his guests...he fell into a nightmarish haze of projections for the future if he were to accept this offer.

      How would he groom this thing? He couldn’t detect any sign of fur, just a glow emanating from its being and indecipherable markings. What did it eat? Fruit? Meat? Human sacrifices? Did it even poop? No, no guest–human or animal–would be permitted to stay at his stable unless they could poop. New rule, starting now. He should make a sign. With that decided he waved the enormous bribe away, watching mournfully as Link tucked the immense fortune back into his satchel. Emory idly wondered how such a young man had such a fortune. Link sighed.

“Is there absolutely nothing I can do to change your mind?” Emory nodded emphatically.

      “Not if you can’t even prove that that creature poops!” Link startled and shot a strange look at him. Emory glared back firmly. Yeah that’s right, he heard him. Link reluctantly dismounted the creature and watched as it galloped away and disappeared into thin air. Dear lord maybe it was time to retire.


End file.
